Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
