What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
