i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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