They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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