Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
