There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
