Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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