I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
