In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
