I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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