Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I bet he comes in French.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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