I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
