i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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