I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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