i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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