his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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