i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
