Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
