My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
