I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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