Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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