Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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