well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize