we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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