Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
