Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
