I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
