You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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