Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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