He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
In America we eat man semen.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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