words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
