Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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