I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
