After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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