how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
