I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
