I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
