thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
