they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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