there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I deserve this hangover.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
