you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
