Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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