We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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