My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I lost the right to judge tonight
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
