you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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