You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
