I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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