I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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