forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
