Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
