Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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