it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
