Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
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I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
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I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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