My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wish I could teleport
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
