I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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