you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
