Me too!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
