He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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