why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
