can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
