I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
