epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
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We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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