oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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