I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
