I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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