He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
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This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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