Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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