Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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