That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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