My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
