Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
