Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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