I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Pants are for mortals
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