Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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