why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
