The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
